Been driving my dad's car the last couple of days... realised one thing... i rather be driven than drive myself. Haha... think i'll have to either make a lot more money, or jus make less money and let the driver of the double-decked mercedes benz drive me around.

Surgical SIP at CGH is pretty heavy compared to the other hospitals, thanks to the Head of Department there. That guy actually din allow students last year to sit for their final exams cos they decided to skip the less than useful posting. I mean, if you're tryin to educate us, then put a bit more effort in revamping the system. What sounds good in theory seldom is that good in reality. Now, we feel like lab rats in white coats scurrying around looking tired and PMSy or jus plain bored sleep deprived zombies.

Renal tutorial at SGH by that nice old prof was swell. Nice guy, i'd like to buy him a beer, though i dun think he'll like going to places where the air-con is not strong enough. Maybe we can have unlimited tutorials as long as we give him air-con. Better check the TSH...

Other than that, the only other frivilous detail is that i had a proper vegetable dish for dinner for the first time this week. Before this, it was mee pok and instant noodles at home and other unhealthy stuff that actually tastes better. Seems to me that the bad things in life often feels better than the good... like how i feel like goin to sleep now even tho i haven't been studying. Watched Final Fantasy VII Advent Children, Tifa is *drool* sibei chioh. Think i will jus marry her lah, and stop being so picky. Then again, i can't really speak Japanese.

ok ok ... got to go do the laundry cos every1 but bro is in Thailand, and bro has a life outside... sigh... freedom does come with a hefty price tag.

All good things have got to come to an end. Looking back i realise i kinda enjoy it. Tho i would enjoy it a lot more if i didn't have to think abt the MBBS nex March. The team that i am with now is really nice... and the nurses are nice, even the phlebotomist is nice. Man, it's a lot different from when i first came. I can imagine doing this for a living... tho the calls are a bit sianz cos it messes up the routine and ur body clock.

Made a few new frens here... on talking term with some others. I see dead people. Really... i see dead people. And i guess that i am not as numb to it all after all. I feel it, but usually a little later as usual cos my heart takes a while to catch up with my head nowadays. And i say a little prayer for their family and every person who i come into contact with during the day. That's the way i keep my heart kinda tender amidst the sobering issues of life and death that come my way. It'd hurt more, but it's good. I will not be jaded and apathetic.

Not studying much at all... no mood, no energy... got hatchet facies everytime i try... and i get Stoke Adams attack and find myself waking up to alarm the nex morn. Took to swimming everyday... a cure for every stress and pain in my body cos after that, I am distracted jus thinking abt how to get my runnin nose to stop.

Watching the prince turn frog on channel u. Love the silly sound effects man... never fails to crack me up. And find that ye tian yu gal kinda cute haha... good thing got subtitles.

ok nose killin me...

The last couple of weeks have been a real pain... cos SIP started. Kinda hate it when the school admin decide to use us as their guinea pigs in their attempt to make NUS Medicine world class. I do agree that there needs to be change. But some of the changes dun make sense. We dun need to get used to suffering as a HO. No need to make us go thru 2 months of SIP for that. Jus teach us what is necessary and let us go home and study... not waste our time. Or if you are going to make us do sai4 gang1, then at least give us a pay worthy of sai4 gang1 warriors tt we truly are.

Haven't studied much at all, and prob will fail if i take the exams now. But on the brighter note, i am more able to do the stuff tt nurses and housemen must do... like take blood from small tiny veins on patients who look like they dun really have all that much blood left to give.

Seen patients die in front of me. Getting kinda used to it liao. Doesn't bother me all tat much anymore.

The setting plug part bothers me more than seeing dead patients. Me think weirdz.. and tok Farnie... losing?? it#?? I get more upset abt causing patients pain when i bump a vein 1 2 3 4.. times than when i see them pass on. Prob becos i think tt that's better for them... a release from all these sufferings tt plagues their bodies while they are still here. There is no dignity in dying, no matter how we try to make it sound better. There is only dignity in living, and in death. The process of dying isn't cool at all. there is nothing glorious about having to have ppl change ur diapers, shower you, feed you. there is nothing nice abt having a brain wrecked by many many infarcts such that you no longer recognise those who are closest to you. You have dementia. You get depressed cos of the pain, and the many diseases that are feeding on ur body. You feel tipsy half the time and can't really get up cos of the side effects of the 10+ medications tt you have to take in order to prolong this "life".

Let them go when it's time, and delay not the passage. For the children that seek that delay will only the good of themselves, to appease that guilt striken conscience tormented by regrets of never having known their parents, or putting careers and material things above relationships.

Night calls, i love night calls.
The HO and MO i followed were super nice. Then again, i purposely follow those who are nice lar.
Did the usual: clerk cases, set plugs on juicy veins ooh... take bloods... do ECGs....

Met a hainanese ah ma who din want me to take her blood. Searched the ward to find someone who knew what she was saying... couldn't. Decided to go ahead anyway cos the bloods are to check her heart and it's pretty important.

Ah Ma, tam po4 tia hor! i hoped she understood a bit of Hokkien. She started shouting at me... the rest of the ward stirred. Everyone else was asleep liao. I din know what she was saying but it din sound v nice. Guess i dun want to find out. Then she started talking to someone behind me. I looked behind and saw no one... But she's looking at someone... oh man... oh man... not good. Let's get this over and done with...

Ah ma has low threshold for pain like some people i know. Screamed and pulled her hand away. Blood oozed out of the puncture wound i had made.

Ah Ma, mai4 ting tang!

Ah ma scolds me back and tells her invisible friend about me... i dun know what she is saying. I try again... another movement, another push, another hole to plug with that alcohol swab until the bleeding stops. I can't believe this... getting fed up liao...

Ah Ma.... i tried to look fierce to scare her. Used to work on other patients... but not this time. Ah Ma believes she and her friend can make enough noise to drive me away. They are wrong... cos i very stubborn one. And the bloods are for cardiac enzymes. Only thing i scared of is that she will have a heart attack.

After plugging 3 holes, i decide to use brute force and pin Ah Ma's hand down so she can't move it. She started crying... i felt bad... first time i force myself on a gal... shouldn't lar, even when it comes to Ah Mas. I sighed... and got down to taking the blood. Had to sayang her after that.

Apart from that interesting encounter, i also set a plug for a 150kg ship captain who jokingly threathened to pummel me if i dun get it right. He also said he knew it was a bit hard for me cos his skin is dark. And said tt the gal who last tried it went off crying. I jus took it as an exaggeration. Prayed really hard to get it right, and i did... amazing cos i usually cause a big hematoma haha... and this time it's like going in blind also cos can't see can't feel. Then he decided to chit chat with me and i din noe how to say no to a dude whose forearm was bigger than my neck. Listened to his stories abt sailing here and there, and abt his exploits with women from all over the world, tho he qualified that he's gotten married and have settled down already.

It seems that sick male patients love to talk abt their sexual prowess. Had another patient who had 22 children from 7 wives with ard 8 gathered ard him. He went on and on telling me abt the girlfriends he had from this district and that district in the most wonderful country in the world, where i come from. I think 1 is enough... too much headache la...

Last patient i saw had heart failure, bumped a vein ... *again* and saw darkness spreading... like some horror show.
Uncle, you taking warfarin ah?
Yah, i taking...
Oh sheeeeT!... i press the wound site for dunno how long. But it still looked real bad.
Sorry uncle.
Never mind.
And i felt even worse.